The good news difficult path

Thursday we met with the Oncologist and had a two hour informational class on the specific chemo treatment that is being recommended which is TC which stands for Taxotere and cyclophosphamide (tough choice.) This treatment has less long term health risks than AC chemo. Oh well to reduce the incalculable risk of recurrence somewhat and have 4 months of hell is the path that we are considering and most likely will take. This weekend we will continute to eat well (thanks to you all, hopefully take in a few movies at the AFI festival, and make the decision regarding the chemo. We tentatively scheduled AMP's first chemo treatment for November, 15th.

Good news is Good news

We received the semi-final (whatever that means) pathology report when we visited the surgeon. No cancer was found in the lymph nodes. Two tumors were found in the left breast, and no tumors were found in the right breast. The report shows much less cancer than the imagaing and biopy. We meet with the oncologist thursday and will have more to report. So for those of you can jump, jump for joy. We are pleased.

Riding Thorugh the Would

A MAN WAS LOCKED IN HIS HOUSE AND COULDN'T GET OUT.
BUT HE KNEW HE WOULD.
HE HIT THE WOOD UNTIL HIS HANDS WERE SORE.
HE SAWED THE WOOD IN HALF.
TWO HALVES MAKE A WHOLE,
HE SHOUTED THROUGH THE HOLE UNTIL HIS VOICE WAS HOARSE.
HE JUMPED ON THE HORSE, RODE THROUGH THE WOULD AND GOT HOME SAFELY.

- Remy Charlip, from "Arm in Arm" 1969

posted by amp - am riding the would as fast as I could

sorry - we'll get back to business soon - think we're getting a little punchy from the wait

For those who question the value of waiting

I choose not to wait
Having learned its downside
Through years of waiting for godot
While gnawing on Ferlinghetti’s bones
And fondling Hamlet’s indecisiveness.
I choose to do
Clean and simple
I prefer stepping into the abyss
Its silver lining hid by despair and self-deception
But present in a moments daring action
Which clears the cluttered fear-filled soul
Draws strength from the stealth of darkness
Reads the message at the end of the rainbow
Its’ how you play your hand, man!

larry

ps. we have our ducktors lined up, both surgeons next monday, oncologist on thursday and a chemotherapy class following the meeting with the oncologist.

no news is

. . . well, no news.
Apparently, the pathology report will not be done until next week. So, I am bummed esp. that Larry rearranged his sched for nought. Next Monday is the target now, adn I will check with them Friday to see if it is imminent. - amp

fires and Nina - last post, promise

just wanted to note how stunning it is to be home recovering while Malibu (and San Diego and San Bernadino) is burning - it is frightening and only adds to my sense of appreciation for how much I have - and my desperation to cling to it.

No talisman, no amount of flowers, cookies, chicken soup can possibly touch the wealth I feel from all the care of friends and family. I am blessed so many times over, I've lost count.

Last week, my daughter Nina interrupted her studies to fly down and be with me through the weekend - Nothing has meant more and somehow with all the stories and thank you's posted here, I never got that across -

Just having a momentary cuddle with her, watching "The Lady From Shanghai" - was spectacularly healing. Should make us all realize that we shouldn't wait for sickness or crisis to take those moments in our lives. (ok - delivery crew from Hallmark is removing my soapbox now)

later
amp

Let the Dogs Go Loose - Last post for a while

This poem was sent to my husband by a friend and colleague, Nazare, with the accompanying note: Poetry for light strokes when heavy is like led. Thinking of you, wishing you well.

It is astounding and I have really been touched by it. It represents my own conflictual relationship with the acts of "creating" and "being."

All of us dogs need to be let loose - to be present, enjoy and engage in what exists, look up from our "piecework" and let creativity spring from that.

Hope I'm reading that right - but it works for me - thanks Nazare:


Letting the dogs go loose


Let the dogs go running

They’ve been down too long



Let the dogs go find herbs

Let them make new scents



Let them run the park

To Hide or to bark



Let them, El Retiro

Let them, Central Park



Go by the museum

Find their own Picasso



Let them mix with Gray

Juan would be so happy



If they were what may

May, so full of flowers



Let them now break loose

Mess up Bugambilias





Let the dogs run freedom

Let the dogs now roam



Make some great Kandinsky

Run amuck in Rome



Nazare

October 20th 2007