You can go home

AMP will be going home sometime Saturday. She is in good spirits and looking forward to leaving the hospital.

Recovery going swimmingly

AMP is moving through recovery like a fish through water. Not two days post surgery and she is able to get in and out of bed, she is walking on her own. She is still in a lot of post surgical pain. There is a good chance that she will e discharged this weekend.

Successful Surgery!

According to the surgeon, surgery went extremely well. He believes there is an excellent possibility that she will be free from the pain that has been plaguing her. Time will tell. But for the moment I feel tremendously relieved and hopeful. Just impatient to see her.

Pre Surgery

We are in the hospital amidst the hum of construction...waiting. AMP is in fine spirits hoping for the best wondering if she should shave her head again, for good luck. Barry, any suggestions. We will keep you posted and appreciate all your thoughts and support.

For The Very Curious

Transforaminal Lumbar Interbody Fusion

Transforaminal lumbar interbody fusion (TLIF) is a procedure that fuses the anterior and posterior columns of the spine through a posterior approach. A bone graft and interbody spacer stabilize the anterior portion while the posterior is locked in place with pedicle screws, rods and bone graft. Hence the instrumentation......

This is Spinal......Fusion

We're Baaaaaaaaaaaack!

As in back, that is - spinal fusion. I know I'm mixing my movie metaphors, but I am a little "tapped" out right now. Yes, after a long-suffered decision-making process of 2nd opinions that ran from a "T-10 - S-1" complete "lampost" model fusion, a decision has actually been made. I will be having a "TLIF" special - no, not "Thank Larry It's Friday" but Transforaminal Lumbar Interbody Fusion. It's all happening tomorrow at noon at St. Joseph's in Burbank. It's often casually referred to as spinal fusion with instrumentation - I kinda like that - got a cool jazz feel that seems so much more Newport Beach than the heavy metal version I'm probably facing. I do feel confident that the doctor and process I chose is the right one at this time and am actually looking forward to easing a year-long bout of intensive chronic pain.

I anticipate being one of those people who wake up from anesthesia wondering "what took me so long?" There will more more blog posts with more lucid explanations and perhaps more humor to them than I can muster now. Where is Harry Shearer when you need him?

Fortunately, Larry - my co-medical blogger, will contribute when I doze off. He may knock me back out in his zeal to do so.

Please check this blog for updates. As before, we will send email notifications when there is a new post.

It's Not Over 'til it's Over... But now it is - and I'm Glad

You haven't heard from us in a while... and here's why:

(Note: you can pause or replay the music in the player on the right)

The good news is I went back to work...

The bad news is I was working too much too much to blog...

The good news is I'm not working anymore...

The bad news is I need to look for work and not mess around with personal blogging...

- so, this will likely be the last post to this blog for a long time.

Plus, it is kinda over - fortunately.

Today is the one-year anniversary of my double mastectomy. We think.

Larry and I mused over what would be an actual anniversary date - the surgery, the diagnosis, the suspect mammo? The start of chemo - or the end of it? Maybe it's not for another 5 years when the prescribed daily bone-crushing, hormone-blocking medication has had its run? Perhaps it's the finishing touches of breast reconstruction - slap on a coat of paint, hang the curtains and you're done, ma'am!

Yes, the journey started with a routine test and will end with tattoos (lavish ones - if I have my way), but the most iconic moment had to be the removal of the breasts - the banishing of the beast within them. As I write this now, I'm only too aware of this same day one year ago as I was wheeled into the operating room - wondering what and who would I be when I woke up.

I fought for my patient rights, I "handled" each harsh treatment with self-respect and compassion for my body. I returned to life in the working world and community with full force. I did it all with the support and good grace and love of my friends, family and colleagues - and most of all, my fantastic husband, Larry.

Yet, through tears of gratitude and triumph, I am grieving today. I realize, with everything else, I did not allow myself to do that all year. What really marks the days and hours of struggling to accept what had happened? And to not accept what didn't have to happen?
And - to make it through all.

I made it. We made it. Thank you.

I want to close this out with a poem, "Begin Again," by Anna McKenzie that a friend and fellow survivor, Dr. Melissa Johnson read at a recent Wellness Community gathering. She was introduced to this poem while in Ireland last summer on a women's retreat. The Irish friend who shared it said Anna wrote it while in prison in Chile.

Melissa's edited selection speaks best to my experience - plus, I (and I suspect most of you) belong to the CSAS (Church of the Short Attention Span). If you want to read the whole poem - email me - ampiersimoni@me.com and I'll be happy to forward it on. Please help me "Begin Again" by ending this conversation with your thoughts and comments and by being "Glad" (thank you, David Byrne) we got through it!

Love, amp

Begin Again

(Selections from "Begin Again" by Anna McKenzie)

And so we must begin to live again
We of the damaged bodies
And the assaulted minds
Starting from scratch with the rubble of our lives
And picking up the dust of dreams once dreamt.

And as we stand there, naked in our vulnerability
Proud of starting over, fighting back
But full of weak humility
At the awesomeness of the task.

We take our first few steps forward
Into the abyss of the future
We would pray for
Courage to go places for the first time
And just be there
Courage to become what we have not been before
And accept it,
And bravery to look deep
Within our souls to find new ways.

We did not want it easy
But we did not contemplate
That it would be quite this hard,
This long, this lonely.

So if we are to be turned inside out
And upside down

With even our pockets shaken
Just to check what’s rattling
And left behind,
We pray that you will keep faith with us
And we with you